Does this bother you too?

I was on my way to Mumbai and was pretty distracted given I did not want to leave home that evening. Was extremely preoccupied however the sales man in me insisted that I strike a conversation with the gentleman seated next to me in the aircraft. An impressive suit clearly indicated that he was from the corporate world.

A smile and a nod and the conversation began. After knowing each others occupation we were drifting into various topics and then I asked him if he was married. I did not realise that a simple question like that would lead up to revelations beyond my comprehension. He said he was engaged to be married and that he was not particularly excited about it. I began an explanation on how it is tough to deal with the fact that you would as a married man have certain responsibilities that can be unfathomable initially. I think the explanation was not good enough. He looked at me in the eye and said, “ I am gay.” A declaration that came out so easy was rather surprising to me. I tried my best to not look shocked and just nodded along. My immediate question was, “ Why are you marrying a woman?”

Curiosity had the better of me and while I know a few gay men as acquaintances, I never really thought much about what goes on in their part of the world since there clearly is a social divide and has its psychological implications on all.

I think he just wanted to talk aloud since the things he told me were far too personal and under the given circumstances that I was a complete stranger, he shared all that one can possibly imagine and even things that I could not imagine. He had been in a live in relationship with another man who he loved dearly and they were quite happy in their relationship for over 2 years until family pressures got the better of him. His lover was married and in three months of his marriage had deserted his wife to live in with this man. Under the pressure of his family, he crumbled and walked all over his relationship. He was so much into his relationship that the post break up trauma was excrutiating and needed a psychiatric intervention. His lover was forced to go back to his wife and he continues to suffer the pangs of the so called unnatural relationship. He continues to stray and meets men all shapes and sizes to keep his sexual needs satisfied.

I asked this man seated next to me on why he was getting married and how could he even term his marriage, the one of love. He sure did not love her since all he kept talking about is his Ex – lover. It was certainly not my business but I could not help telling him that he is lying to somebody who possibly loves him dearly and it certainly cannot be right.

He even went on to say that even after marriage he would stray and would have relationships with men outside his marriage. At the same time he claims that his fiancé is his emotional anchor and he would definitely keep her happy. He said he would ensure she has all the happiness in this world. “ Do you think you can satisfy her physically?” “ Have you been intimate enough to even know if you can?” He said he had been fairly intimate in the last few weeks and though they had not done it all, he felt it was pretty decent and he should not have a problem in the future.

I was amazed at his clarity of thoughts but one thing that struck me was that all that he was doing, right or wrong was to get acceptance by family and in the social circuit. He said that he had never felt that level of respect till he had a girl next to him.

While there are many people across the streets of Mumbai and the rest of the world, each one is battling to either survive his sexuality or give into the social conditioning. What really annoys me is that to gain the acceptance they are all set to use a person who is not only oblivious to the intentions, she very well maybe extremely dreamy about her future.

It is not fair that social norms should create such a wide divide between people with varied sexual preferences but what certainly is not quite right is the fact that this social stigma leads to alliances which are certainly based on lies and extremely flawed.

I was just thinking that when I have a family eventually and have a child who grows up to realise he is gay would I behave just the way most of the parents do? “ Stop this else we will hang ourselves.” is what my friend was told time and again. It is extremely easy to sit in a corner and pass judgement on the criminal social norms and the ever so criminal outcomes of it. Would we certainly not be a replica of the parents who are trying to erase a social stigma before the world gets ear of it? Or we will have the courage to support the child and help him accept his sexuality and go on with it so he has the strength to lead a normal life and make choices that are normal to him.