Gibberish

I could not help laughing when my sister just blurted out something on my love life over the years. She, as oblivious and as proud about everything I ever did or would do, believes I have just had absolute control over all my relationships and I could just cut out of each one of them anytime without an ounce of stress. Little does she know how I went through two years of begging, self pity and loads of loathing for myself over one broken relationship. It just got me thinking harder than I usually choose to these days and realised that every person I know knows me in a different light.

Like a Chameleon, I have different shades surfacing at different times with different people. Strangely, each one of my friends or family or acquaintances think they know me the best and so from being looked upon as this awestruck dumbo to the super sweet; the in control of everything in life to the ever chaotic mind. There is not a friend I know who does not get protective and begins to take on the role of a guardian. Nor do I know two people sharing the same opinion about me.

Am sure it happens to most of the people and hence it is not something that needs so much thinking but I seriously think that in my case it is really a bit off the normal track. There are enough and more people who find me sly or cunning and more and more believe that I am gullible and extremely likeable.

I do not have the heart to say that I am only some or none of the above since at different occasions I have behaved differently and so differently that at times I fail to recognize myself.

I must admit that I am living a full life. It has every tone of being human hence all my actions are human (whether moral or immoral, right or wrong). In these years there is very little that I regret and every experience is embraced with equal excitement.

The strange thing is that all my friends believe that they know me very well and especially so when they are at their patronising best. It breaks my heart to even remotely brush away that concern but the truth is when I am still exploring the self, it is definitely not possible for anybody to be able to cast me in box.

Do I mind any of the assumptions that people make? No. They have a right to their opinion and their judgement and some closer to my heart may pass a verdict too. I am horrible at moving away from people I get to know once and that is the only boon and bane of my existence.

I have been told at more occassions than one that life needs to be black or white but I cant help my love for the colour grey. Just a thought, dont we all like the colour grey? Some delve into it and decide to stay grey in the closet and others just embrace and walk with it like it affirms their personality.